I remember at first the idea of social media being so foreign, I couldn’t fathom the possibilities. Really there was only Facebook at the time, but it was new and profound. The idea of being connected, and important. Lol, I no longer feel that way, but at the time, I felt like I was part of a movement. Not being entirely sure at the time where it was headed happened to be ok with me. Before long, Facebook was a part of my daily existence, I enjoyed posting all of the photos of fun and vacations I was having. I was sure they were entertaining, and my friends and family would enjoy them as well.

 

I guess at some point I realized that I was only sharing a percentage of my life. While I’m a big believer in not airing dirty laundry, I also realized that this skewed the perception of my life others may have. I was still ok with this, carry on. For the most part, I think of Facebook as a constructive device. It’s great to keep in touch with distant friends and family, to be able to see pictures of their kids, and feel a part of their lives. But realize, we are still only getting a glimpse of their actual world, good or bad. It wasn’t until I personally went through a divorce and financial turmoil, that I saw how destructive social media can be. Having things said about me without my permission caused me to recoil in a big way. I was bound and determined to only show what I saw fit, and non-personal, except of course when I was doing something awesome and wanted everyone to know. Believe me I’m not proud of that behavior. And Facebook also came in handy if I ever needed to stalk someone, or get the dirt on them, especially once I entered the dating world. Shame on me. I was the cause of my own mind screws.

 

Last summer I quit Facebook for a few months because I was going through a breakup. I learned that it’s really hard to move on when I could see everything that he was doing, including when he had been online. This gave me insight into his activities. And, I found it particularly painful when he started dating someone else, and advertising their budding romance, maybe even for my benefit, or so I was convinced. I resented the idea of him knowing what I was up to when he no longer chose to be part of my life. Simultaneously, I had a few friends that felt being a part of my life meant reading my posts, but not feeling any real obligation to keep in touch with me, and I got tired of the pretense of it all. So I quit! Deactivated my account. I was off for over two months, and when I finally did get back on, I unfollowed that bad ex boyfriend, because unfriending is like declaring war, and I activated the highest security settings. I also declared that I wouldn’t be active or post anything, but peruse only sometimes, and I didn’t even have the app on my phone for a long time. I finally caved in and downloaded it, and it honestly took me a long time to reintegrate it back into my daily existence. But here I am now, almost a year later, and I’m feeling that familiar feeling again, I hate what it stands for, and what it brings out in me. I don’t wish to banish it from my life completely, but feel more in control of my boredom and habits. My latest plan is to take the app off my phone again, in a feeble attempt for balance and moderation. For all of the bad Facebook stands for in my mind, there’s a tiny bit of good, like methadone for a heroin addict! That’s just me though, always looking at the bright side!;)